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Martial Arts Definitions
A martial art which allows you to defeat your enemy without hurting him. Unless of course he does not know how to ukemi in which case he will have his wrist broken in about 20 places.
"Harness of the hand." A Filpino martial art, also known as eskrima and kali, centering around stick, blade and empty hand combat. Mispronunciation of the art guarantees a quick taste.
A stick that looks like a sword.
A term used in the Japanese martial arts for anyone who has achieved the rank of at least first-degree black belt.
The sound uttered when the wearer of a Dan realizes that they will now get hit harder and more frequently during training.
"The place of the way." A training hall or gymnasium. Very similar to a B & D parlor but without the mistress.
A skirt sometimes worn in the Martial Arts but we don't really like to talk about it.
"Way of the sword." The modern art of drawing the samurai sword from its scabbard. A rather interesting art developed around the principle of "look how big mine is".
"Gentle way." A Japanese art where grown men roll around cuddling each other without apparently doing any damage. These men are often closet Hakama wearers.
A lot like judo expect that these boys like to inflict slightly more damage. Tend to get very angry when accused of being Hakama wearers and often are heard saying "You gotta big mouth"
"Empty hand" or "China hand." The primary purpose of this art is the destruction of wood and other natural products. Most Karate styles have a placing on Greenpeace's most wanted list. This art will be outlawed by most countries by the turn of the century.
A series of prearranged maneuvers practiced in many of the Oriental martial arts in order to avoid free sparring or anything else that may involve pain.
A strange and unusual past-time involving hitting each other with sticks and making in-human sounds. Could be a cult?
A generic term for a majority of the Chinese martial arts. Many of these arts involve the emulation of animals.
A title bestowed on a martial artist who has attained advanced rank after long years of study or has started his own style after achieving kyu grades in at least 4 arts, or has completed the "Become a Master by Video" course available for only 19.95 per month.
A rather confused individual who likes sneaking around at night in his pajamas.
The art of being confused and sneaking around in your pajamas
Bashing each other senseless in the hope that nobody realizes that you don't know any kata or techniques.
Tae kwon do:
An unusual martial art that relies on its followers to have the flexibility of a professional ballet dancer.
Tai chi chuan:
Another unusual art that promises ultimate power from moving very slowly for many years. The drawback being that by the time you develop the ultimate power you are close to death anyway.
The discipline of enlightenment related to the Buddhist doctrine that emphasizes meditation, discipline, and the direct transmission of teachings from master to student. Mostly taught by rather old and confused monks who have had one too many rocks fall on their heads during waterfall meditation. Works best when sitting in a cave facing a wall for 10 years or so.
Aikido: The way of blending energy. The Aikidoka (one who practices Aikido) attempts to become one with the mat by being thrown into it repeatedly in the hope that s/he will merge with the mat. This usually doesn't happen, so the process must be repeated. Frequently.
Matte: "te" = hand, "mat" is obvious, so "mat" "te" is the art of hand-stands and walking on hands. Sometimes this results in unsuccessful blending with the mat which causes the Aikidoka to have to blend with the mat while wearing a cast. This is much harder, as the cast prevents the Aikidoka from reaching the mat.
Kiai-do: Dyslexic Aikido. Also known as "drunken Aikido", this is usually practised in bars, accompained by much shouting.
Ukemi: The art of hurling yourself at the Earth for no good reason.
Slapping out: This is the sign of an unsuccesful blending with the mat. The Aikidoka is so frustrated at not blending with the mat that s/he will hit the mat in a futile attempt to blend. It is futile because all Aikidoka know that true blending with the mat only occurs at high speed.
Nage-waza: The art of helping others to blend with the mat - the other part of what Aikidoka study.
Randori: Mispronunciation of "runned away". This is the optimal method of blending with multiple attackers.
Shodan(male): A male who is so adept at blending (and helping others to blend) that he can wear a skirt to class and nobody in class will laugh at him because he might help them learn to blend with the mat. At high velocity.
Hakama: What shodans call a skirt so they don't have to teach quite as many people to blend with the mat (see Shodan(male)).
Atemi: What you use to convince uke that your Aikido is strong enough to deal with their attack.
Shihans: Can't live with 'em; can't throw 'em.
Alternative Technique Definitions
Ikkyo: Grab their arm, affect their center.
Nikkyo: Grab their arm differently, affect their center.
Sankyo: Grab their arm differently, affect their center.
Yonkyo: Grab their arm differently, inflict pain, affect their center.
Gokyo: Grab their arm differently but a lot like Ikkyo, affect their center.
Rokkyo: A confection made with almond paste. If you eat too much it will affect your center.
Irimi nage: Don't grab their arm, affect their center.
Shihonage: Kotegaeshi on steroids.
Kotegaeshi: Sankyo on the wrong hand.
Kaiten nage: Sankyo while rotating the z axis to the xy plane. Countergrab their arm, affect their center. Alternately known as "cheap date waza".
Tenchi nage: Iriminage on both sides at the same time.
Koshi nage: Iriminage for those with ADS (Altitude Deficit Syndrome).
You know you're hooked on Aikido when...
1.The first word out of your parrot's mouth is 'KIAI!' and you teach your cat how to do mae ukemi.
2. You have more bruises than a roller derby queen, and you still go back for more.
3. You shut the refrigerator door with a shomen-uchi.
4. You shop for clothes based on whether you can practice in them.
5. The only clothes you'll wear are gis.
6. You actually crave a beach workout.
7. The books on your night stand are by authors like Morihei Ueshiba, Morihito Saito and Miyamoto Musashi.
8. The Twelve Days of Christmas becomes: one iaito, two bokken, three gi's, four rolls of adhesive tape...
...twelve cases of Tiger Balm.
9. You look for a place to live based on the amount of practice space it provides.
10. You refuse to wear shoes.
Oh, and I'm from Aikido Shinju-Kai of Aikikai Singapore. 5th Kyu. Heh.. still got lots to learn yet =)
===agatsu masakatsu katsuhayabi===